My Experience with Vipassana Meditation

Vipassana is one of India’s most ancient meditation techniques. It is said to be rediscovered by Gotama Buddha more than 2500 years ago. It was taught by him as a universal remedy for all human suffering, an Art of Living. The entire path (Dhamma) has nothing to do with any organized religion or sectarianism. Anyone, regardless of their ethnicity, age, gender, religious background, or economic situation, is welcome to learn the path of Dhamma.  

Vipassana literally translates as “seeing things as they really are”. It is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnects and conditions the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

With the help of the technique, the scientific laws that operate one's thoughts, feelings, judgements and sensations become clear. Through direct experience, the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or frees oneself from suffering is understood. Life becomes characterised by increased awareness, non-delusion, self-control and peace.

It is said, the technique was distorted and lost in India but preserved in exact details through an unbroken chain of teachers in Burma (Myanmar). Satya Narayana Goenka was the one who brough the technique back to India and popularized it in the rest of the world. Previously to vipassana, Mr. Goenka used to be a successful business in Myanmar. He achieved many things in life at a young age, but was suffering from severe migraines. He consulted best doctors in India, Japan, Switzerland, and USA. Nothing worked. Since his problem seemed to be psychosomatic his friend recommended him to try vipassana meditation. When Mr. Goenka came to his teacher for the first time, he was turned down, because his intention was to free himself from pains of migraines. One’s primary intention in joining the vipassana course should come from the desire to liberate oneself from all the suffering and to learn to live a happy and peaceful life. All other benefits acquired through the practice of vipassana are considered to be the pleasant side effects. When Goenka’s migraines disappeared, he left everything behind and dedicated his life to making this technique accessible to others.

Nowadays, there are more than 160 Dhamma centres around the globe. Both instructions and discourse, by Goenka, are pre-recorded to ensure that the technique is practiced in the exact way without any misinterpretations. The course is conducted completely free of charge and anyone can apply. Only the ones who complete all ten days could contribute financially, as much as they consider sufficient, so that other people also have a chance to experience the benefits of vipassana meditation. 

First time I heard about Vipassana mediation was during my yoga teacher training. Our philosophy professor emphasised this technique as one of the most efficient tools there was to attain a better self-understanding. She also highlighted the importance of doing this course in India, in the place of powerful spiritual energy. Therefore, I was dedicated to do vipassana specifically there.

This summer, when I finally had the chance to travel to India, there were only a few available dhamma centres left in the whole country. Kanpur was one of them. Since it was the only town that made sense to our plans geography, we ended up going there. Kanpur, the city in India that statistically speaking had close-to-never hosted any tourists, ended up being one of the most local experience throughout our trip so far. We met wonderful people who became very close to our hearts. 

In dhamma centre men and women were separated throughout the whole course. We only meditated all together in a group hall, each entering from their designated side. During ten days of Vipassana course one was not allowed to speak or communicate in any way with outside world or other participants, except a lead teacher and helpers in situations of necessity. Students could turn to the teacher when they had questions regarding the technique or experienced any doubts. In my case both the lead female teacher and the only one female server were not speaking English at all. That made it very difficult when I was faced with certain complications on my meditation journey. I did turn to the main male teacher with my questions, yet, he gave very shallow answers that didn’t help with my struggles.

 

Phones and all electronic devices were deposited to the management and not allowed to be used. Furthermore, one was not allowed to distract himself with any other activity (yoga, reading, writing, drawing) other than meditation and contemplation. That was done with the goal of removing all kinds of distractions that would normally impede self-observation. Participants could go for short walks on the premises during designated breaks. I really tried to stick to the rules, but to be fully honest, I was still doing some simple yoga exercises in my room when I had free time.  It was mentioned in the description that yoga would not impede the benefits of vipassana. Nevertheless, it was advised to restrain from this so that one could truly understand that changes arose from vipassana and not any other practice. My body was aching and my mind was rebelling. Yoga was the only thing that kept me going. It was my relief.

 

In total we meditated ten hours a day. Morning meditations were the most challenging, yet at the same time the easiest for me. Those who know me well, know I am as far from the morning person as it gets. Over the past years I did make some progress but probably not as much as I thought I did. During the course, despite getting enough rest, my brain was just not willing to cooperate. The morning bell rang at 4 am. The morning meditation in the hall lasted from 4:30 am until 6:30 am.  No matter how much I tried to stay awake, I would eventually fail and fall asleep. And then I would wake up every time I felt my body collapsing. Thus, the morning sessions passed relatively fast, yet, relatively stressful.

From those ten hours of meditation, three were very rigid. They were compulsory for everyone to attend in the meditation hall. One could not leave the hall from the start until the end of the hour. By the day 6 we were instructed to keep one position unchanged throughout the whole hour, since any slightest movement could bring you out from concentration. I considered myself being a relatively fit person with a good endurance. Yet, the longest I could sit without changing my position would be 40 min. Everything was hurting, my knees, my back, my feet. Eventually I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore and had to adjust. It so happened that next to me, a little in front, was an elderly woman, 71 years of age. It was her 20th time doing vipassana. I really admired how she could sit motionlessly for all 10 hours a day during meditation sessions. She was a live confirmation that it was all a mental thing, all in your head. With the power of mind and a consistent practice one can push boundaries of what one’s body can withhold. It is all about concentration and will power. 

For me vipassana was very difficult. I went through the whole range of emotions from happiness, content, excitement to indifference, scepticism, all the way to annoyance, anger, frustration, and “what-the-hell-I-got-myself-again-into”. It felt like those ten days lasted for eternity. Every day I would count how long was left until it all finished. In the discourse, the daily one hour explanations of the philosophy behind the technique, it was mentioned that vipassana brings people so much happiness, so much joy. The confirmation for that was how happy and joyful participants were on their last day of the course (on the last day one could start talking again to ensure a smooth transition back into the normal world). In my head I thought “Of course they were happy and full of joy because this torment was finally over”. 

By the end of ten days I felt like I ran a mental marathon. I was not completely new to meditation before vipassana. A few years back I spent a week in a similar retreat in Thailand, meditating and living with monks. In my day-to-day life I meditated, not routinely but frequently. My sessions lasted around 15-20 min. The rapid jump from 20 min to 10 hours was arduous. The goal of establishing myself more in meditation was clearly achieved but at what cost? When the course ended I thought I would never do it to myself again. Yet, the more time passes the more I reconsider my standpoint. From what I gathered from other participants it gets easier with next times because one knows what to expect. One has a better understanding of the technique and its philosophy. After the course many were claiming that they already felt much better right away. I truly hope for them it is true. Yet, keeping my certain degree of scepticism, I believe that their expectations of the glorified benefits of vipassana might been the reason they felt better. One way or another whatever makes people feel good. My own view point is that ten days won’t completely change your life and wellbeing. It will give you a strong foundation for cultivating mindfulness, compassion, and peace. To truly experience the long-term change one must apply vipassana and its moral pillars in his everyday life. 

Besides being potentially the great life changing experience, it was undoubtedly one of the most culturally authentic adventure in India so far. I was the only female foreigner in the course. All others were Indian women of different ages (from 16 until 71 years of age) and different backgrounds (from rural India to the ones working in international highly respected NGO). Interestingly, those women, who have responsibilities of families and households, nevertheless, still committed to ten days of this difficult experience. Their family members agreed and supported them on this journey. All of them meditated earnestly, so that they could learn to live a better life, free of depression, anger, and misery. It was so admirable. Another highly appreciated part of this course was authentic local food. I had a chance to try some delicious home cooked meals prepared for us by kind volunteers. Yet, the most fascinating part of the experience was the wild nature life. Vipassana centres are always located outside of the cities in a peaceful and quiet location. Our centre  was located in a lush jungle area full of diverse wildlife. I saw a gracious peacock walking in our garden, different monkeys, whom apparently you are not advised to look in the eyes or they will attack you, countless types of insect, and lizards. The most extreme case I saw was of a dead lizard on our canteen table. When we were eating our breakfast there was a line of ants snaking on that dead lizard. When after five hours we returned for our lunch, there was no lizard left, only the skeleton. Ants ate it all to the bone. Then the server came, opened the door nearby, that was always closed so far, and threw the lizard’s skeleton outside. Meanwhile, two mice ran out from under the door when it was opened sideways. They had a nest there. Later from outside we saw five or six tiny little mice that still had their eyes closed. They were hardly navigating in their surroundings. Then one brave Indian woman picked them all one by one with her bare hands and placed them in the bushes. Disgusting, traumatising but also super cute and kind. I was literally overwhelmed with emotions. 

One way or another this course was a strong mental challenge that gave me the tools to better study myself. In addition, it created a firm ground on which I can continue my meditation journey. Knowing what I know now I would do things differently next time. Firstly, research has to be done on in which centre exactly to do the course. It is important to have the room for yourself completely. Additionally, looking into the reviews of other people, making sure that teachers are speaking English. One girl told me that her boyfriend did a vipassana course in Switzerland and he absolutely loved it. The teachers truly helped him on his journey. Secondly, bring a watch. That will help with the feeling of time lasting forever. Thirdly, reviewing all the information one can find on the philosophy and teachings by Goenka. Now, after watching all discourse videos, the technique makes way more sense to me. It is important to understand what stands behind the technique, in order to attain better and deeper results. Finally, preparing yourself mentally that it will be difficult and it will be challenging. Cultivating determination that no matter what one will remain strong in his commitment. 

Alternatively, I came to learn that there are other “gentler” vipassana courses where the participant is getting introduced into meditation gradually (5 min meditation, 5 min rest). The duration of meditation is increased progressively with each day. Thus, meditation comes more naturally. If you are interested to know more, reach out to me and I will share with you the information of the centre in Thailand. I have not done it myself, but heard a lot of positive feedback about the place. I also want to mention here the paid vipassana courses. In both Nepal and India I saw advertisements for expensive luxurious vipassana retreats. That is not vipassana. Vipassana is simplicity and donation based. Doing a course based on donations humbles your ego. You live on the good will of others. If you pay for something, it feels that you are entitled to receive something back and corresponding quality. Instead, vipassana is being content with what you get. Please be wary of that. 

All in all my vipassana experience clearly left an imprint on me. I think it is truly wonderful that around the world there are non-profit centres, ran completely on goodwill and honest work of volunteers. They are available to anyone who is seeking the solution to their suffering and dedicated to experience true peace and happiness no matter race, religion, or economic situation. It might not be the solution but it is definitely worth a try. Vipassana is not for everyone but I strongly encourage you to look more into it and seriously consider giving it a try.

* All photos were taken on the elevenths day of the course.

Official website of Dhamma Centers as taught by S.N. Goenka: https://www.dhamma.org